SURFBOARDS AND CYCLES script SCENE ONE - Setting: SHARKEY'S - Matt, Sly and Tony are at the bar and Tiffani and Sam are sitting at a table next to them. Jake walks in. Jake: Man, haven't you guys figured out what classes you're taking yet? Matt: Yeah, I'm taking wood shop. Tony: Yeah, I'm taking metal shop. Sly: And I'm taking cooking class. (Matt and Tony laugh. Matt gets up.) Matt: Oh man I can see it now. (lifts one arm in the air and talks in a high female voice) Oh please be quiet my souffle is rising. Sly: Ha, ha, ha. While you guys are making ashtrays with Butch, Bruno, and Bubba, I'll be making bacon with Barbie, Bambi, and Betty. Matt/Tony:(simultaniously) Cooking class. Sam: You know, I think Sly has the right idea. Tiffani: Really. You're taking cooking, too. Sam: No, I'm taking auto shop. That's where the boys are. Jake: Great. Just what we need. A babe in auto shop. Tiffani: Excuse me Jake. That's a really sexist attitude. Sly: Hey, he's not sexist. He just thinks guys are better than girls. Jake: Don't help me Winkle. Look Tiff, I just don't think girls have the head for working on cars. Tiffani: Oh yeah. You gotta be real smart for auto shop. (in a low male voice) Duh, do I pound this with my screwdriver or my head. (Both get up as they speak) Jake: Hey, I just don't think you realize how hard it is. Tiffani: Well, then I'll prove it to you. (getting in each other's face) Jake: Oh yeah. Tiffani: Yeah. Jake: Yeah. Tiffani: Yeah. Jake: Yeah. Tiffani: Uh-huh. SCENE TWO - Setting: AUTO SHOP CLASS - Every one is at their own station. Tiffani is working on a water pump. As she turns the bolt the wrong way it flies across the room and the teacher picks it up and brings it back to Tiffani. Mr. Klein: Let me help you with that, honey. You're turning it the wrong way. Always remember, righty tighty, lefty loosey. Tiffani: Look, Mr. Klein. Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I need cutesy rhymes to remember things. (as he walks away) Righty tighty, lefty loosey. Jake: Not as easy as you thought, huh? Tiffani: Oh please. There's nothing to it. In fact I'm just about done fixing this carburetor. Jake: That's a water pump. Tiffani: Oh. Well sure now it's a water pump, but when I started it was a carburetor. Jake: Uh-huh. Tiffani: Look Jake. You just do it your way and I'll do it mine. Jake: Well it looks like Sam's doing it her way. (both look in Sam's direction. A good looking guy has his arms around her helping her out.) Guy: Just put one hand here and this hand there. See what I mean? Sam: Uh-huh. But just to be sure, do it again. (Mr. Klein gets in between the two and pushes the other guy out of the way) Mr. Klein: Hey, listen sweetie. I believe in women's lib and all that stupid stuff. But you and your little girlfriend are obviously not here to work on cars. Tiffani: That's not fair Mr. Klein. I'm serious about this class and with a little practice, I'll be as good as any guy in here. (every male in the class laughs and the bell rings) Mr. Klein: Now let's break for lunch. Boy I love leaving class on a good yuk. (everyone exits the class room) SCENE THREE - Setting: COOKING CLASS - Matt, Tony, and Sly enter class and look at all the girls. Boys: Goo-ga-moo. Sly: Ok Tony, the two by the stove are yours, the three by the sink are mine, and uh Matt, you get the two with the braces. Matt: Why do I get the ones with the braces? Tony: Because, you're such a nice guy who isn't hung up with superficial things like looks. Matt: Oh yeah. (after thinking for a second) Oh man. (they go over to a station and the teacher walks in) Sgt. McBride: All right, everyone can the chatter and fall in. My name is McBride, Sgt. McBride. And my job is to turn you maggots into mean, lean, cooking machines. And your first assignment will be... (ordering as in the corps CHIP BEEF FOR 500. Sly: Eww. Setting aside that chip beef is disgusting, why are we serving for 500? Sgt. McBride: Because that's the way we do it in the corps. Hut, the Marine Corps. (the boys salute) Matt: (in a whisper) Is it just me or does anyone else get the feeling that this isn't gonna be fun? Tony: Forget that noise man. This is chick city and I'm a rooster on the move. (goes to a girl and puts his arm around her) Hey baby, now I'm gonna sit next to you and we can shake and bake together. Sgt. McBride: Now you look like a young man with a healthy interest in girls. Tony: Very, very healthy. Sgt. McBride: Oh. You got spirit. Tony: Oh yeah. I got more spirit than an cheerleader with new set of pom pons. Sgt. McBride: Is that so? (puts an egg in the palm of her hand) This is your spirit. This is your spirit in my class. (she smashes the egg) Any questions? (Tony shakes his head) SCENE FOUR - Setting: MATT'S GARAGE - Tiffani is trying to fix her car and Sam is reading her instructions from a book for repairing cars. Sam: Ok. Next, disconnect the left ventricle hose from the body of the oil pump. Tiffani: Okay, got it. (after disconnecting the hose oil sprays all over her. So she reconnects it and looks up) Sam: But first empty the oil pan. Tiffani: Now you tell me. (Sam looks up and closes the book, but keeps her finger on the page that they are on) Sam: Boy, this is great. We're both getting something out of auto shop. Tiffani: Really? You're learning about cars, too? Sam: Sure am. (car horn blasts) For example, that's the unmistakable horn of a 1979 Ford Mustang. Tiffani: Wow. How'd you know that? Sam: Because, Hank's got a '79 Mustang and he's here to pick me up. Bye. (Sam leaves the garage. Tiffani walks to the other side of the car and starts to sing) Tiffani: Oh, the carburetor's connected to the fuel line, the fuel line's connected to the gas pump, the gas pump's connected the to gas tank, that I fill with premium unleaded because it's better for the environment, and that's how the car goes beep-beep. (Jake walks in as she is sing the song and he dances to it. He claps after she finishes, scaring her and she hits her head on the hood) Jake: Oh, are you ok? Tiffani: Yeah, just embarrassed. Jake: About what, your head or the song? Tiffani: Take your pick. Jake: So what are you up to?<:f> Tiffani: Well, my car's burning oil and I'm trying to fix it. I have to admit, it's harder than I thought. Jake: Yeah and maybe I was wrong about girls being auto shop. Tiffani: Maybe? Jake: Yeah, maybe. You haven't fixed it yet. Can I give you a hand? Tiffani: Well, you could tighten this bolt for me. Jake: Righty tighty. (in a quiet voice) Tiffani: What? What did you say? Jake: Nothing. Tiffani: Yes you did. You said righty tighty. Jake: Oh please. Don't be ridiculous Tiffani: Jake, admit it. I heard you. (she smears grease on his nose) Jake: I think you've been inhaling far too many gas fumes. (he smears grease on her cheek) Tiffani: Oh, you think so? (smears more grease on Jake) Jake: Yeah, I do. (they start a grease fight) Tiffani: Well, tough guy. Take this. Jake: Take that. (He catches her arm and they begin to kiss. Matt opens the door and sees them kissing) SCENE FIVE - Setting: SHARKEY'S - Matt and Sam run in and go over to where Sly and Tony are. Matt: You guys will never believe it. I saw Jake and Tiffani... (Sam cuts him off) Sam: Kissing, smooching, making out, canoodle city, whoa mama. Matt: Thanks a lot Sam, that was my story. Sam: I'm sorry. I just couldn't help myself. My brain wanted you to tell them but my mouth just wouldn't. Tony: Jake and Tiffani? Really, I just can't see it. Matt: Oh he's a dead man. I mean, I love Tiff but knowing her, Jake will be trading in his boots for a boogie board, his jacket for jams... Tony: And he'll be giving up his Harley to be nargly Matt: Poor Jake. Whew. Sam: Don't you mean poor Tiffani. Jake's a hound, he'll never be happy with just one girl. He's gonna break her heart. Sly: I think it's great. Jake's ex-bimbo's will finally forget about him and be interested in me. (everyone gives him a look of estrangement and he defends himself) Well, it's true. Sam: We better warn Jake and Tiffani before it's too late. SCENE SIX - Setting: SCHOOL - Jake and Tiffani walk down the hallway. Tiffani: Thanks for carrying my books. Jake: Thanks for carrying mine. (they exchange books and a paper falls out. Jake picks it up) What's this? Tiffani: Oh, just something I wrote. (Jake reads the paper out loud) Jake: Tonight in this light you look like an angel. And we will never be strangers again. Tiffani: I wrote it the night we first kissed. Jake: It would make a great song. Tiffani: It would make a super-duper song. Jake: And I think I know what the next verse would be. Love plays hide and seek, your love makes me weak, but I don't want this feeling to end. (they are about to kiss when Sam comes up and interrupts them) Sam: Hi you guys. Tiff, I have to talk to you right now, right away, and nobody else in the world can hear. It's mondo personal, mondo private. Jake: Just a hunch, but do you want to be alone with Tiffani? Sam: You must be a mind-reader. Jake: Mondo-mind-reader. Look, I'll catch up with you later and maybe we can really make that into a song. (he gets up, kisses her hand and leaves. Sam sits down next to Tiffani and becomes serious) Sam: Boy you two look like you're getting along well. Tiffani: It's the best. Sam: Let me tell you a little story Tiff. Once upon a time there was a cute little convertible and a hot-macho motorcycle. They were happy together, tooling down the highway of love. Then one fateful day, the motorcycle met a sexy sportscar and ditched the convertible on the side of the road. Get it? Tiffani: Yeah, it sorta reminds me of another little story. There was this Honda that came to America and stuck its hood where it didn't belong and got her headlights punched out. Get it? Sam: I think so. But Hondas are Japanese and I'm Chinese, so obviously you weren't talking about me. (Sam leaves a worried Tiffani) SCENE SEVEN - Setting: MATT'S KITCHEN - Matt is icing his cake and the oven timer goes off. Sly come skipping in and opens the oven. Sly: My cake is done, my cake is done! Ooh, the sarge is gonna love this. Matt: Mine, too. It's perfect. (Sly takes his cake out of the oven with out pot holders) Sly: Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. (it is so hot he runs to the counter running into Matt and ruins his cake) Matt: Ow, Sly. Sly: Ooh, that was a close one. Matt: You destroyed my cake. Sly: Oh. Then you won't mind if I use your icing. (Tony runs in with a cake box) Tony: Boys, feast your eyes on a genuine Tony Wicks original. Matt: Whoa, check this out. All right<:f><:f240,QCourier New,> Tony. Tony: It is good, isn't it? But don't worry I'll put in a good word for your with the sarge while she's giving me an A. (Sly looks at the side of the box) Sly: Wait a minute. What is this? $8.99, you bought that cake. Tony: No, no, no, no, I didn't. Man I had to, I can't cook. Don't you see? Sarge hates my spirit. She's out to get me. (Motorcycle pulls up outside) Matt: Oh, here comes Jake. Ok, remember what we have to do. Tony: Oh yeah right. Sly: Okay. (Jake walks in) Jake: Hey! Boys: Hey Jake! Matt: How's it going? Jake: Super-duper (the other three look at each other and mouth "super-duper")<:f> Sly: It's worse than we thought, he's starting to talk like her. Tony: Mm-hmm. Jake: What are you babbling about? Tony: It's the softening man. It's what happens when a sweet girl like Tiffani, gets together with a rugged dude like you. Matt: She'll start off small, like asking you to take off your leather jacket. Then before you know it, you'll be kneeling on the beach drawing smiley faces in the sand. Sly: Face it, Jake. She's changing you already, she turned you in to mushy man. Jake: Come here. (he shoves Sly's face into the cake) Still think I'm mushy man? Sly: Absolutely, before Tiffani you would have shoved candles in my nose and lit them (Jake shoves Sly's face back into the cake) SCENE EIGHT - Setting: JAKE'S LOCKER - Jake opens his locker and Tiffani sees flowers in it and takes them out) Tiffani: Jake, are these for me? Jake: I don't know where they came from. (a girl comes running up and snatches the flowers from Tiffani and hands them to Jake) Caroline: They're not for you. They're for you. Jake: Caroline, give me a break, we went out once and it was a year ago. Caroline: I know. Saturday, May 13. Dinner at Sharkey's. I even saved your napkin, you wiped your lips with it. Jake: Would you just listen to yourself. You're being ridiculous. Get over it. Caroline: I know, your right, I'll try. (she walks to the garbage can and attempts to throw away the napkin but is unable to. She turns to Tiffani and warns her) I can't. He'll break your heart, you'll see, you'll be next. (Caroline leaves the two of them alone. Jake hands Tiffani the flowers) Tiffani: Do, uh, all the girls you go out with end up saving your napkins? Jake: No, no. Let's just forget about her and go to the beach like we planned, Ok. Tiffani: Well, ok. Super-duper. (Jake sighs as the walk towards the exit but Tiffani stops) Wait, you're not gonna wear your leather jacket on the beach are you? (Jake starts to take his jacket off, then changes his mind) Jake: Hey, do you have a problem with my jacket? Tiffani: No, I just think you'll look silly wearing it on the beach. Jake: Well, Caroline never thought I looked silly. Tiffani: Well, maybe you should go to the beach with Caroline and her napkin. Jake: Well, maybe I should go to the beach by myself. Maybe that would be super-duper. Tiffani: Oh, do you have a problem with the way I talk? Jake: No more than you have a problem with the way I dress. Tiffani: Well then, maybe you should go to the beach by yourself and wear your stupid leather jacket. (she walks off and throws the flowers on the ground) Jake: Yeah. Yeah, maybe I will. Maybe I'll just sweat to death. SCENE NINE - Setting: MATT'S GARAGE - Matt, Sam, Sly and Tony are talking. Jake walks in singing "She's Not You". Jake: Big brown eyes, long blond hair, just reminds me you're not there. She's... Matt: Hey Jake, we heard about you and Tiff. Are you ok? Jake: Never better. No softening here. Tough as nails. (Jake gives sly a noogie) Sly: Ow, ow, ow, ow. Nothing soft about him. Ow. (Tiffani comes in whistling) Sam: Tiff, how are you? Tiffani: I'm fine. Happy as ever. Matt: So then, it's ok if we rehearse the duet you guys wrote? (Tiffani and Jake give them a look of uncertainty) Tiffani: I don't think so, Matt. Matt: Why not? Tiffani: Well, I can't sing it because what he wrote isn't true. Jake: Oh, like you meant what you wrote. Matt: Uh-oh. Tiffani: Hey, I meant more than you meant, back when I thought you meant, more than you really meant. Jake: Even if I knew what you meant, I still wouldn't think you meant it. So there! (Jake begins to walk out) Tiffani: Jake, stop. You can't just walk out while we're discussing this. Please. Jake: You're right. I'm sorry. Tiffani: So then you'll stay? Jake: Yeah. Tiffani: Good. Because I'm leaving first. (Tiffani walks out. Jake yells and storms out) Sly: Man, I feel weird. My head, my stomach, I don't know what it is. Tony: It's because we made Jake and Tiffani break up and now they're miserable. It's called guilt, man. Sly: Oh, so that's what it feels like. Tony: Yeah and you know what comes next? Sly: What? Tony: Compassion. Sly: Oh no, no, no. We gotta get them back together. Tony: Yeah, see compassion. (Sly screams) SCENE TEN - Setting: SHARKEY'S - Sam is setting the table with flowers and candles. She is dressed in a formal black dress. Matt, Sly and Tony are dressed in chef uniforms. Tony: This is very romantic. Flowers, candles, a gourmet meal. Good plan Sylvester. There's just one thing missing. Sly: What's that? Tony: Where the heck are Tiffani and Jake? Sly: Trust me. I told them exactly what time to be here. As a matter of fact. Three, two, one. (Tiffani and Jake come in from different entrances) Both: Surprise! Tiffani: What's going on? Jake: You told me there was a surprise party. There's no party. Sly: Surprise! Jake: I see what's going on. I'm outta here. Tiffani: Me, too. (As they try to leave Sam grabs their hands and pulls them back in) Sam: Come on, guys. We made a delicious three course dinner, it not gonna kill you to give it a chance. Now sit down and eat. (they sit down) Tiffani: I guess they already cooked everything. Jake: And it's not like I had any dinner plans. (Matt comes up and places appetizers on their plates) Matt: I think you guys are gonna like this. It's filled with asparagus and wild mushrooms. Tiffani: Wow. That's sound amazing. Jake: Man, you guys really went to a lot of trouble. Sam: It's looking good. Tony: We got all the romantic little touches, nothing can ruin this. (Sgt. McBride enters) Sgt. McBride: Ten hut. Tony: Man, what is she doing here? Sly: Oh, I invited her. See this way we score extra credit for class and we get Jake and Tiff back together. It's like killing two birds with one, stove. Hee hee. Tony: Oh man. Sgt. McBride: All right, let's see what we got here. Soldier, turn off that music and turn on some lights. (Tony turns on the lights and the music is off) What's this Garrison? Matt: It's a puff pastry, sarge. Sgt. McBride: I know it's a puff pastry. What's it cooked with, real butter? Matt: No, I used, margarine. Sgt. McBride: What? Get down and give me twenty. Matt: Oh man. (Matt begins to do push-ups) Sgt. McBride: Move it. One, two, one, two. Bring me the next course. (Sly comes running in with a plate) Sly: Broiled sword fish sarge. Sgt. McBride picks one up and smells it. Everyone is surprised) Sgt. McBride: Satisfactory. You pass inspection. You may commence eating. Jake: I think I'll pass. (Tiffani nods) Sgt. McBride: Desert. (Tony comes in scared) Tony: Oh man. Sgt. McBride: Present plate. Tony: It's a raspberry tart sir, sarge, ma'am. (Sgt. McBride takes a bite) Sgt. McBride: Excellent job soldier. Do you have anymore? Tony: Sir, I regret that I have but one tart to give my country. Matt: Oh man. Jake: So, that's ok to eat. (he reaches for it but Sgt. McBride keeps it away) Sgt. McBride: Sure is. That's why I'm taking back to the barracks with me. As you were. (Sgt. McBride leaves) Tony: Man, now what do we do? There's no food left. Sly: I know. I'll go get pizza. (Sly leaves. Tony turns down the lights. Matt picks up his guitar and he and Sam approach the table) Matt: Ok. Let's try plan B. Come on Sam. They begin to sing "The Way We Are". Flashbacks - Band playing song, Tiffani and Jake arguing, Tiffani and Jake in auto shop class, Tiffani and Jake writing the song, Tiffani and Jake kissing, Tiffani and Jake on Jake's motorcycle, and Tiffani and Jake dancing at Sharkey's. When the song is over Tiffani and Jake are left alone) California Dreams - THE WAY WE ARE Tonight in this light you like an angel And we will never be strangers again Love plays hide and seek Your love makes me weak But I don't want this feeling to end CHORUS The way we are together Is so much better than we are apart You have my heart forever cause That's just the way we are Even if the future finds us far away The feelings that we share will always stay the same Oh yeah (guitar solo) CHORUS That's just the way That's just the way That's just the way We are Tiffani: I miss you. Jake: I miss you, too. What did we do wrong? Tiffani: I guess we did everything wrong. We listened to everyone but ourselves. (Jake moves his chair next to Tiffani) Jake: I know. What they said made me afraid. I mean I was afraid that you wanted me to change. Tiffani: Oh no, I would never want you to change. I was afraid you were gonna hurt me. Jake: I could never hurt you. Tiffani: So what do we do now? (They kiss. Sly comes up with the pizza) Sly: Pizza. (they pull apart) Tiffani: Get out, Sly. Sly: Fine. More for me. (Sly leaves. They kiss again) THE END!!